I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i think i just lost a toe
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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