READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
