I think I just saw someone hide a body.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
