I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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