Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
