he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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