In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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