she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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