I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
