Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
