So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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