dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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