and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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