he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
