what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
