i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
