dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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