Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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