it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My vagina is very pro this idea
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
