It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Boobs speak an international language.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
