Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
