I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
