I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
