Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
