I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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