Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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