im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
