my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
