I murdered the dance floor call the cops
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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