Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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