Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
