I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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