4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
