Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
