i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
