why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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