I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
