I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
