Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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