I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
