So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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