So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
