i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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