I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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