$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
