So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
