This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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