allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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