maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
