I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Me too!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Panties = found
Randomize
