I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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