with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
