google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
