His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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