Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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