I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
