You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
