Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
