Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
