you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
